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(SATIRE) Mandated Diversity Classes WILL Increase Inclusivity

Author: Thomas West

Michigan State University has announced a brand new branch of classes. Sponsored by the MSU’s Office of Diversity, Equality, and Inclusion, Microaggressions 110 (AGR110) and Macroaggressions 112 (AGR112) will be offered in the Spring 2020 semester.

Amid rising concerns of societal awareness, MSU President Samuel Stanley fast tracked these classes and formation, which will be offered jointly by the James Madison Jr. College and the College of Unnatural Sciences.

Microaggressions 110 will focus on the small things, such as racism in small doses, checking your privilege, and unrealized racism in your daily life.

Microaggressions 112 will focus on the bigger things, like blatant racism, fighting words, and physical aggression. AGR112 will also feature topics like, “Politics: when they are brought up, shut up or don’t use facts,” and “Feelings: they don’t care about your facts.”

For students who enjoy this class, another one is being planned for the Fall 2020 semester: Introduction to Picoaggressions 202 (AGR202). This class will focus on smaller slights, such as sexist or racist blinks, sexist or racist uses of the word “the,” sexist or racist jokes. Also, fabricating the feeling that something is sexist or racist even though it is not in order to force everyone in a room to acknowledge that sexism and racism exists.

MSU student, Laura Frackley, denounced such classes, saying, “It is a sad day in America when we have to teach about privilege and aggression. Being offended is a, like, big part of a person’s identity.”

MSU LGBTQ+ communities have also voiced their concern over the classes, issuing a statement, “It is offensive for Michigan State to think that they can just teach this, what will we do if they steal our thunder?”

On the other hand, noted conspirator Martin Martingale has commented, “It is all just a rouse. Microaggressions do not exist and this is just the start of campuses being able to profit and benefit off the victim hood of a few groups.”

After making this announcement, Mr. Martingale has not been further found for comment and has been listed as a missing persons at the East Lansing Police Department.

Be sure to attend these very inclusive classes to understand things you must know.

Contributor: Thomas West

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